( Clarice wonders if she'll ever stop being surprised by how gentle he is. Here was a man who had fought wars most of his life, who looked like he did, and yet he was the kindest, most careful person she'd ever met. She liked that about him, she liked that he didn't let the world around him define who he wanted to be.
He felt like the kind of person who could become a home.
She doesn't say that though, instead she smiles when he speaks, turning her head to press her lips to the shape of his palm. ) You're kind of easy on the eyes too. ( Sadly, she can't help herself. Her actions speak better anyway. Clarice's hand curves around his side, against the bare skin and she shifts closer, nudges her nose against his, just touching him, enjoying the closeness. ) Will you stay here tonight?
( Not for anything but this. She doesn't want to rush this. It wouldn't be fair. But now he's here she doesn't want him to leave again. )
[ When he looks into Clarice's eyes, John feels like he can see the world. A multitude of possibilities, that all start with her. She's got so much to say, so much to show, brilliant and beautiful and hated just for looking different. He can't help but feel anger simmering under his skin at how unfair it is that he can walk around and be left be, when she's been hunted her whole life.
This is why it has to stop, that they have to win. For people like Clarice, that just want to live and not just survive. He'd lay his life on the line to give everyone a chance to have a normal life.
She touches him, and John shuffles closer without thought, feeling the warmth of her body so close to his. ]
Yes, [ he replies without hesitation, his hand moving down to her hip, then down along her thigh, pulling her leg on top of his, just to be able to be closer still, to feel her against him. It's not a come-on, it's just simple, pure need. ]Yes.
( It's far easier, when he pulls her closer. She wraps her arm around his waist, fingertips pressed against the notches in his spine. They're so close, tangled around each other, all limbs and longing to just feel something like comfort. )
So, you're totally not mad about the kiss then, right?
( There's something playful about her smile, the way her palm rubs small circles into his skin. There's no doubt in her mind that they could have something good here, the two of them, that they could find something to survive for. She just feels a need. )
[ His hand just stays on her thigh, dragging back and forth slowly, just to touch her. He smiles at her question, his heart tumbling in his chest at it. ]
Totally not. Surprised? Absolutely. But definitely not mad.
[ He definitely had not expected it, especially after their earlier fight. But Clarice, for some reason, still wanted him, after all of it. And he still wanted her, now more than ever. Watching her take a stand against the Frosts had felt like a wake-up call, reminding him of who she was and who she belonged with. With the Underground - with him. ]
I don't think there's any kind of timing that would have felt any better. [ He licks his lips, his throat feeling dry. ] You've said before that there's no more reason to worry about feeling what you're feeling. Is that why you kissed me?
( She wanted him, she wants him. Clarice could pretend otherwise, surprisingly she's a fantastic actor. But there's something about John that makes her want to be honest, wants her to be real, honest, and present. )
I could have denied my feelings. Honestly, it would have probably been easier? For both of us. ( She watches him from beneath her eyelashes, chews on her lip for a second before she continues. ) But, I don't know? I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I've felt something for you for a while, and even though technically it hasn't been that long since we met, it just feels right? You feel right. You feel like something. A future. And I want to give us a chance. I want to see what happens. Even if our lives suck. Does that sound dumb?
( Maybe it's too much, maybe she's saying things too fast. She doesn't know. )
I just -- John, I really like you. And I don't think I've felt like this for anyone before.
[ He can't help the little smile at the corners of his lips. He knows he's not exactly the guy that uses humor to deflect, but he does right now, just to lighten the mood. They can have a serious talk later, when all is said and done. For now, it's all feels too fragile. ]
I'm glad you didn't - deny your feelings. I've been doing that, Clarice. I've been trying to tell myself timing is bad, and circumstances are wrong, and it shouldn't be about me and what I want.
[ And yet here he is. ]
But I don't know if it's ever going to get better, for us. So no, it doesn't sound dumb. I want us to try, too. And I really - really like you, too.
[ At this point it's probably love, but he needs to admit that to himself before he tells her. He wants to say that he feels like he belongs, with her, and that he feels home. But - not now. ]
( His smile. Clarice can't help but press her thumb to the corner of it, a slave to the way this feels. Something inside of her is waking up and it feels right now. John isn't some boy who may or not eventually betray her because of her mutation. He's not here because he wants nothing more than her body. They're both tired and exhausted and living through hell, so she knows he means it. )
It definitely feels real.
( She laughs, helpless, cupping his jaw. )
Timing's always going to be bad. But I want to kiss you again. I want -- I want to be there for you? I want that. And I want a bunch of other stupid stuff too. This isn't a story, you know? I want to kiss you. A lot. I want to do more than that? I want to feel stupid and head over heels because if I don't? If I let this thing be taken away by the world we live in, then what's the point? So I'm letting myself like you. Which all the cliches and hormones that might come attached.
[ She's rambling, sounding a little breathless, a little delirious with exhaustion, but also sincere, like she's letting it all out now because she's worried she won't get a chance to otherwise.
John, well. He's not exactly great with expressing his emotions. He prefers to keep them on lockdown most of the time, keep himself in check so as to not lose it in front of his team, his people, that need him to be strong at all times.
Clarice, though, especially now, deserves better than that. She deserves John being open, and honest. A few things he's not been so much, in the months they've known each other. He remembers denying himself, over and over, and there's no reason to do so anymore. ]
We can't stop living because the world is a shitty place for us and ours. We've got to keep going, and keep fighting, for what matters, for who matters.
[ It's not as good a declaration as Clarice's was, but he ends it by framing her face with a hand, pushing up off the bed and leaning in to kiss her, his eyes falling closed immediately. She said she wanted to kiss him again, and, well, that's the best response he has. When he pulls back, his lips lingering against hers for a moment, he barely moves away, just enough to be able to speak. ]
I want you to keep feeling safe. Not just with the Underground, but with me. I'll take care of you.
( It's funny how when everything seems to have gone to shit, Clarice finds something inside of herself that feels warm and sweet and safe. The words he's saying are the kind she's never even let herself dream about. She knows he means them too. That he loves her, that they have something to fight for. )
We can take care of each other.
( She runs a palm over his back where the muscle has smoothed out, tracing the notches in his spine with her fingertips. John is such a good man, and Clarice wants to be better for him, because of him. She wants to keep her place in the Underground and help other mutants. She wants a life that's worth something.
She wants this. )
You don't have to hold everything by yourself anymore, okay? I'm here and I want to help.
[ It's all he says, because he believes her, and he trusts her. He wants Clarice to be around, to help - both the Underground and him. He wants her here with him, every step of the way, with her sassy quips and her gentleness.
He wants more, too. God, but he wants so much more; things they don't have time to explore right now, but that he craves. Her skin against his, the drag of her tongue, his hands tangled in her hair. He wants more of her, all of her, but they barely ever have chances for intimacy. He's going to have to be patient.
And in the meantime, in a bid of not holding everything together himself, he looks away from a moment, eyes fixing on the cut of Clarice's jaw. ]
I'm worried, about Lorna. I feel like she's slipping away. The Frosts are getting to her.
( Clarice has had her own worries about the Frosts. There's something almost unstable about them. For all that they're perfectly put together, she's afraid of what they might do to get what they want.
And who they might use. )
I think she's afraid, but she doesn't want to show it, you know? Lorna's tough, she's probably always been tough. But she's pregnant, so that's got to do a number on you. Especially living the lives we live. We just have to make sure she knows who cares about her. Me, you, and Marcos.
[ It's one of these moments in time where it feels like there are two conversations at the same time. The one they're having about the Frosts, serious and concerning, and the unspoken one - her fingers on his spine, his curled around her thigh, bodies curled into one another. ]
And I get that. I'm scared, too. And I'm terrified of losing her.
[ His heart is tumbling in his chest, beating wildly. He's not just scared of losing Lorna, but he doesn't say that. Instead, he slides his hand a little higher along the back of her leg, continuing the two conversations they're having at once. ]
I'm terrified of losing everything we've built. All of us. But I can't tell anyone that. Well. I couldn't.
( She feels entirely comfortable like this, wound around John like a cat. Part of her would like to press closer, to fit her mouth to the underside of his jaw, to feel his skin against hers, to know the places that makes him shiver and shake. It certainly doesn't help when he strokes her leg.
But Clarice has waited before, she can keep doing it now. )
We can talk to her tomorrow. I think she'll listen to you. And maybe the Frosts will just -- I don't know, figure we're not as useful anymore and maybe go away. Far, far away.
[ She might be willing to wait, but John feels like he's fit to burst. He leans in, presses his nose under her jaw, inhaling sharply, taking in her smell, the softness of her skin. ]
Yeah. We can do that. When I try to think about what I'd say to her, I just... I come up short. I don't know if I'll find the right thing to say.
[ He breathes softly, eyes closing as he buries his face in her neck, letting out a soft grunting noise. ]
I know we should sleep, but - [ He dry-swallows, trying to sort out his own thoughts. ] - I feel bad. I feel bad that I'm here with you right now and that. That makes me happy. When everything else is falling apart, and I get to have this. You.
[ And yet, here he is, moving his hand to her ass, squeezing her to him, just touching, because he can. Right now, they're in a bubble, ready to burst at any moment. But they have it. ]
I know, the timing's terrible and it's. You said you wanted more, and let me say - [ he only pulls back to be able to look into her eyes. It feels important to do so, even if he knows there's a faint blush on his cheeks. ] - so do I. But I want to... I want to be able to take my time. I want you too much for anything else.
( Her smile is a little shy, her hand lifting to fan her face over dramatically. ) Okay. I want to do that too. I mean, I can't guarantee that I won't want to tear your clothes off, but I can wait. We've managed so far, right?
( She walks her fingertips over his chest, still somewhat teasing. ) You know I'm the human equivalent of that meme though, right? So I'll sit here consumed by lust for the rest of the evening.
[ He chuckles, his flush deepening. He's glad for the tension easing somewhat, making it easier to breathe, but there's also the idea of Clarice ripping his clothes off, and John getting to do the same, invading his mind and staying firmly there. Because damn. ]
We've managed, yeah. Can't say it was easy, though, and it's only going to get harder. Knowing that I can do this... [ He squeezes her ass again, just because. ] It's going to make sleeping a whole lot harder.
( That's the least helpful thing he could do, but Clarice gives into it easily, pressing against him. Her hand moves to his hair, winding her fingers through his dark locks, tugging a little with impatience.
Clarice never thought she'd be someone satisfied with making out, and part of her isn't exactly, she wants more. But trading kisses with John is definitely something she can get on board with. She licks her way into his mouth, the sole of her foot sliding down the back of his thigh as she does so.
[ He wouldn't consider this entirely satisfying, either, but it's so, so much better than nothing. It's better than their first kiss, as sweet as it was, because there's no urgency this time. This, right now, is not to make a point. It's not to prove anything. It's pure need, the two of them finally acting on their desires. It's slow, and languid, and sexy, and John doesn't want to move away, wants to spend hours tracing the seam of Clarice's lips with his tongue, taste her, feel her body move against his.
His palm flatten against her back, a finger just under the band of her bra, just touching her, wanting to map out every inch of her body, feel her heat and her strength, wrapped up with his own.
( The shiver is a rolling current of electricity that drags along her nerves. Clarice's skin feels too hot already, helplessly aroused by just this, the drag of his tongue, the touch at her spine. He shouldn't be able to make her feel this way, like she's never taken anyone to bed before, like she's never been this hungry. And yet, that's exactly how it feels to be kissing him, the complicated mess of lingering want blindsiding her with each small shift.
Her kingdom for a day without disaster. Her kingdom for a night where they don't have to worry.
Her arms wrap around him, push up to press her palms flat against the planes of his shoulders. Every time their lips part to breathe, she chases his mouth, lips and limbs unwilling to let him get too far from her. Not that he wants to. She knows that, can feel it in the way he grips her to him, the way his muscles tremble against hers. )
[ It's been years since John hasn't done this. Laid down on a bed with a beautiful girl and just kiss, for what feels like hours, like time has stopped and he has nothing else in the world to do. Languid, easy kisses, that still send sharp spikes of electricity down his body, from his brain to the bottom of his stomach to his dick, reacting to Clarice pressed against him like a teenager would.
Part of him wants to push forward, tilt his hips into hers, pull her closer. Grind against her like the teenager he's feeling inside. But another part of him, the adult, responsible one, is actually enjoying this thoroughly. He's taking his time, which is not something he's ever got to do in his last relationship - it wasn't Sonia's speed, and they barely had any time, ever. But with Clarice, he -
He wants to take her apart, slowly. Undress her and discover her, every kiss and touch to make her gasp, arch into him, beg for more. He wants to have hours and hours with her, until the sun comes up and they haven't slept a wink, making up for months of lost time.
He can't bear anything else, even if the mere thoughts, right now, just make him grow harder in his jeans. ]
( He's turned on. She can feel it. It would be impossible not to feel it. It doesn't help that she's lost in the feeling too, that she feels too hot, skin too tight. If this were any other time she'd waste none of it in divesting him of his clothes, of seducing him.
This is far, far more important to her than that though, and so she keeps chasing sweet kisses, lazily stroking his back and trying not to cause too much friction between their hips even if she's desperate for it. When she has to breathe, she pauses, presses her forehead against his, laughs weakly. )
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no subject
He felt like the kind of person who could become a home.
She doesn't say that though, instead she smiles when he speaks, turning her head to press her lips to the shape of his palm. ) You're kind of easy on the eyes too. ( Sadly, she can't help herself. Her actions speak better anyway. Clarice's hand curves around his side, against the bare skin and she shifts closer, nudges her nose against his, just touching him, enjoying the closeness. ) Will you stay here tonight?
( Not for anything but this. She doesn't want to rush this. It wouldn't be fair. But now he's here she doesn't want him to leave again. )
no subject
This is why it has to stop, that they have to win. For people like Clarice, that just want to live and not just survive. He'd lay his life on the line to give everyone a chance to have a normal life.
She touches him, and John shuffles closer without thought, feeling the warmth of her body so close to his. ]
Yes, [ he replies without hesitation, his hand moving down to her hip, then down along her thigh, pulling her leg on top of his, just to be able to be closer still, to feel her against him. It's not a come-on, it's just simple, pure need. ] Yes.
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So, you're totally not mad about the kiss then, right?
( There's something playful about her smile, the way her palm rubs small circles into his skin. There's no doubt in her mind that they could have something good here, the two of them, that they could find something to survive for. She just feels a need. )
I probably could have picked my timing better.
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Totally not. Surprised? Absolutely. But definitely not mad.
[ He definitely had not expected it, especially after their earlier fight. But Clarice, for some reason, still wanted him, after all of it. And he still wanted her, now more than ever. Watching her take a stand against the Frosts had felt like a wake-up call, reminding him of who she was and who she belonged with. With the Underground - with him. ]
I don't think there's any kind of timing that would have felt any better. [ He licks his lips, his throat feeling dry. ] You've said before that there's no more reason to worry about feeling what you're feeling. Is that why you kissed me?
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I could have denied my feelings. Honestly, it would have probably been easier? For both of us. ( She watches him from beneath her eyelashes, chews on her lip for a second before she continues. ) But, I don't know? I kissed you because I wanted to. Because I've felt something for you for a while, and even though technically it hasn't been that long since we met, it just feels right? You feel right. You feel like something. A future. And I want to give us a chance. I want to see what happens. Even if our lives suck. Does that sound dumb?
( Maybe it's too much, maybe she's saying things too fast. She doesn't know. )
I just -- John, I really like you. And I don't think I've felt like this for anyone before.
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[ He can't help the little smile at the corners of his lips. He knows he's not exactly the guy that uses humor to deflect, but he does right now, just to lighten the mood. They can have a serious talk later, when all is said and done. For now, it's all feels too fragile. ]
I'm glad you didn't - deny your feelings. I've been doing that, Clarice. I've been trying to tell myself timing is bad, and circumstances are wrong, and it shouldn't be about me and what I want.
[ And yet here he is. ]
But I don't know if it's ever going to get better, for us. So no, it doesn't sound dumb. I want us to try, too. And I really - really like you, too.
[ At this point it's probably love, but he needs to admit that to himself before he tells her. He wants to say that he feels like he belongs, with her, and that he feels home. But - not now. ]
no subject
It definitely feels real.
( She laughs, helpless, cupping his jaw. )
Timing's always going to be bad. But I want to kiss you again. I want -- I want to be there for you? I want that. And I want a bunch of other stupid stuff too. This isn't a story, you know? I want to kiss you. A lot. I want to do more than that? I want to feel stupid and head over heels because if I don't? If I let this thing be taken away by the world we live in, then what's the point? So I'm letting myself like you. Which all the cliches and hormones that might come attached.
no subject
John, well. He's not exactly great with expressing his emotions. He prefers to keep them on lockdown most of the time, keep himself in check so as to not lose it in front of his team, his people, that need him to be strong at all times.
Clarice, though, especially now, deserves better than that. She deserves John being open, and honest. A few things he's not been so much, in the months they've known each other. He remembers denying himself, over and over, and there's no reason to do so anymore. ]
We can't stop living because the world is a shitty place for us and ours. We've got to keep going, and keep fighting, for what matters, for who matters.
[ It's not as good a declaration as Clarice's was, but he ends it by framing her face with a hand, pushing up off the bed and leaning in to kiss her, his eyes falling closed immediately. She said she wanted to kiss him again, and, well, that's the best response he has. When he pulls back, his lips lingering against hers for a moment, he barely moves away, just enough to be able to speak. ]
I want you to keep feeling safe. Not just with the Underground, but with me. I'll take care of you.
no subject
We can take care of each other.
( She runs a palm over his back where the muscle has smoothed out, tracing the notches in his spine with her fingertips. John is such a good man, and Clarice wants to be better for him, because of him. She wants to keep her place in the Underground and help other mutants. She wants a life that's worth something.
She wants this. )
You don't have to hold everything by yourself anymore, okay? I'm here and I want to help.
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[ It's all he says, because he believes her, and he trusts her. He wants Clarice to be around, to help - both the Underground and him. He wants her here with him, every step of the way, with her sassy quips and her gentleness.
He wants more, too. God, but he wants so much more; things they don't have time to explore right now, but that he craves. Her skin against his, the drag of her tongue, his hands tangled in her hair. He wants more of her, all of her, but they barely ever have chances for intimacy. He's going to have to be patient.
And in the meantime, in a bid of not holding everything together himself, he looks away from a moment, eyes fixing on the cut of Clarice's jaw. ]
I'm worried, about Lorna. I feel like she's slipping away. The Frosts are getting to her.
no subject
( Clarice has had her own worries about the Frosts. There's something almost unstable about them. For all that they're perfectly put together, she's afraid of what they might do to get what they want.
And who they might use. )
I think she's afraid, but she doesn't want to show it, you know? Lorna's tough, she's probably always been tough. But she's pregnant, so that's got to do a number on you. Especially living the lives we live. We just have to make sure she knows who cares about her. Me, you, and Marcos.
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And I get that. I'm scared, too. And I'm terrified of losing her.
[ His heart is tumbling in his chest, beating wildly. He's not just scared of losing Lorna, but he doesn't say that. Instead, he slides his hand a little higher along the back of her leg, continuing the two conversations they're having at once. ]
I'm terrified of losing everything we've built. All of us. But I can't tell anyone that. Well. I couldn't.
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But Clarice has waited before, she can keep doing it now. )
We can talk to her tomorrow. I think she'll listen to you. And maybe the Frosts will just -- I don't know, figure we're not as useful anymore and maybe go away. Far, far away.
( One can hope, right? )
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Yeah. We can do that. When I try to think about what I'd say to her, I just... I come up short. I don't know if I'll find the right thing to say.
[ He breathes softly, eyes closing as he buries his face in her neck, letting out a soft grunting noise. ]
I know we should sleep, but - [ He dry-swallows, trying to sort out his own thoughts. ] - I feel bad. I feel bad that I'm here with you right now and that. That makes me happy. When everything else is falling apart, and I get to have this. You.
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So I'm not the only one feeling insanely guilty that I'm focused more on this than anything else? Because that's definitely a thing that I am feeling.
( Hooking her chin over his shoulder, she shifts closer, his heat soaking through her t-shirt. A little breathlessly. ) I don't want to let you go.
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[ And yet, here he is, moving his hand to her ass, squeezing her to him, just touching, because he can. Right now, they're in a bubble, ready to burst at any moment. But they have it. ]
I know, the timing's terrible and it's. You said you wanted more, and let me say - [ he only pulls back to be able to look into her eyes. It feels important to do so, even if he knows there's a faint blush on his cheeks. ] - so do I. But I want to... I want to be able to take my time. I want you too much for anything else.
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( Her smile is a little shy, her hand lifting to fan her face over dramatically. ) Okay. I want to do that too. I mean, I can't guarantee that I won't want to tear your clothes off, but I can wait. We've managed so far, right?
( She walks her fingertips over his chest, still somewhat teasing. ) You know I'm the human equivalent of that meme though, right? So I'll sit here consumed by lust for the rest of the evening.
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We've managed, yeah. Can't say it was easy, though, and it's only going to get harder. Knowing that I can do this... [ He squeezes her ass again, just because. ] It's going to make sleeping a whole lot harder.
[ Innuendos galore. ]
You know, there's still some things we can do...
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You know my restraint is pretty terrible, right? I don't have the same kind of zen you do.
( He is testing her. Clarice's scarred eyebrow inches up, trying her best not to smile too much. ) Oh? You got something in mind?
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I'll teach you.
[ He'd started, after all, back at Headquarters. He'll try again, he'll get her there.
Instead of replying, he just kisses her, deep and full of longing, his hand slipping under her shirt. ]
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Clarice never thought she'd be someone satisfied with making out, and part of her isn't exactly, she wants more. But trading kisses with John is definitely something she can get on board with. She licks her way into his mouth, the sole of her foot sliding down the back of his thigh as she does so.
She can't help herself. )
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His palm flatten against her back, a finger just under the band of her bra, just touching her, wanting to map out every inch of her body, feel her heat and her strength, wrapped up with his own.
He can't pull away. He doesn't want to. ]
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Her kingdom for a day without disaster. Her kingdom for a night where they don't have to worry.
Her arms wrap around him, push up to press her palms flat against the planes of his shoulders. Every time their lips part to breathe, she chases his mouth, lips and limbs unwilling to let him get too far from her. Not that he wants to. She knows that, can feel it in the way he grips her to him, the way his muscles tremble against hers. )
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Part of him wants to push forward, tilt his hips into hers, pull her closer. Grind against her like the teenager he's feeling inside. But another part of him, the adult, responsible one, is actually enjoying this thoroughly. He's taking his time, which is not something he's ever got to do in his last relationship - it wasn't Sonia's speed, and they barely had any time, ever. But with Clarice, he -
He wants to take her apart, slowly. Undress her and discover her, every kiss and touch to make her gasp, arch into him, beg for more. He wants to have hours and hours with her, until the sun comes up and they haven't slept a wink, making up for months of lost time.
He can't bear anything else, even if the mere thoughts, right now, just make him grow harder in his jeans. ]
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This is far, far more important to her than that though, and so she keeps chasing sweet kisses, lazily stroking his back and trying not to cause too much friction between their hips even if she's desperate for it. When she has to breathe, she pauses, presses her forehead against his, laughs weakly. )
God.
( Biting her lip. )
This is really, really hard.
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